It is inevitable. We’ll be deep into a coaching session and uncover a big ol’ ah-ha around what’s holding the client back. It’s this mic drop kind of moment where we both sit back and revel in the revelation.
And then it happens. The client asks the biggest, hardest question… how?
- How do I do that?
- How do I change?
- How do I get there?
Oh friends. If I had the answer I’d be writing this from my yacht parked in the Mediterranean next to Mr. and Mrs. Sean Carter. Tossing a Cartier ball across the water with Blue.
Alas my yacht dreams have yet to be realized, but the reason has nothing to do with me and everything to do with this three letter word.
Allow me to explain how. ;)
How is usually preceded by another three letter word, but. “But how do I… “
But = lack.
Lack = thirst.
When you’re coming from a place of lack, you basically abandon all creative thinking and relinquish control, keeping yourself stuck in the lack of a foreseeable solution. For further tips on how to quench being thirsty, see the pervious blog.
How embodies the feeling of stuck, and when we’re stuck we tend to spin out into overwhelm about what to do next.
It’s cool, it happens to the best of us.
To combat overwhelm, which inevitably follows 'how', get into action. I’m not talking life changing action, that’s too overwhelming, but simply identify one small thing you can do to move in the direction of an answer. Not THE answer necessarily, but an answer. Do that thing, do it now. Then tomorrow, do another small thing. Rinse and repeat till you suddenly find yourself knee deep in a plan.
Here’s the big secret, I don’t have the answers to your 'how', but you DO. If you quiet down the fear, the ego, and listen deeply, you’ll hear that inner voice who’s completely at peace and knowledgeable about exactly 'how' to move forward. You can find it through journaling, meditation, repetitive motion. Showering and long runs tend to be my brainstorm magnets of choice.
Once you quiet the noise, and are able to tune inward, your next steps will flow to you with more ease than you could imagine. Your job is to listen and trust it. The more you do, the clearer the path starts to become.
By clinging to the one and only perceivable way you believe it can happen, you're basically telling the Universe, "It’s my way or the highway, Bud!" Not the best stance for cosmic negotiation.
Small actions will showcase the energy of commitment toward what you desire, so the Universe can start engineering some potential support. By not holding onto the end goal of your ‘how’ super tightly, and taking a small step in the general direction of where you want to head without desperate attachment, you’ll open yourself up to opportunities that may not be visible to you in this exact moment.
Next time you hear yourself utter ‘how’ from that state of desperation, check yourself. Check in with yourself, drink a big ol’ glass of water and take one small step in the direction of what you most desire.
And if you end up parked next to the Carter's yacht because of it, may I be so bold to ask for an invitation?