I like to think of resiliency as the art of turning life's lemons into lemonade. I mean, have you heard Beyonce’s new album? Girlfriend made ALL the lemonade out of those lemons!
While your process of bouncing back may look different than say Beyonce’s, there are four key elements you can put into practice to help you create our own blend of lemonade when life hands you a bowl full of lemons.
Feel Your Feels
Scientifically, we have a hopeless circuit that gets triggered by upsetting events resulting in intense feelings of sadness, anger or the need to dive headfirst into a pint of Ben & Jerry’s. This is both biological and completely normal. It is only after we allow these feelings to clear out that hope swings back into action. After all, how can we recognize hope if we have never felt hopelessness? So go ahead and give yourself a few days, or pints, to get over not getting the promotion or that very public social media blunder. Know that you’re likely to round the corner toward feeling hopeful again once you’ve allowed yourself to process and wallow for a bit.
Control what you can
Obviously we can’t control the outcome of the job interview or if you get that raise you’ve been working hard for this year, but learning to control what we can is a way to strengthen our resiliency muscles. By staying focused on what’s within your grasp, you actively resist the anxiety spiral of ‘what if’ or ‘why me?’. Get focused on your talking points for the interview or building your case for that raise, even if it doesn’t work out the way you wanted, you’ll bounce back faster knowing you tackled the situation in a controlled and empowered way.
Some think of resiliency as “if at first you don’t succeed, try, try again!” That’s true, to an extent. Trying hard is part of it, but perhaps more importantly, is the willingness to try again differently. The art of building resiliency is a willingness to consider different ways to solve a problem and assess the effectiveness of the outcomes. Thinking of different approaches and perspectives will help you build new pathways toward bouncing back, and help you move forward with purpose.
Talk it out
Please know you do not have to have it all together, or get back on track alone. I’ve built my entire business on helping people strengthen their resiliency through discussing their problems and what arises while doing so. Talking to others who’ve been where you are, or can help you try on a different perspective, is a way to put resiliency into action. No one is perfect, we’ve all stumbled and found a way to learn and grow from it. Sharing our ‘lemons’ with a BFF, coach or mentor helps us realize others have been there too, and we’re not alone... often inspiring us to make some damn good lemonade.